1000 days

Jeremy and I said “I do” exactly 1000 days ago. Sometimes I look back and it feels like I blinked and we are here. Other times, I reflect on all the individual memories and it feels like we’ve been married a few lifetimes already. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE celebrating, no matter the reason. I love an excuse to have friends gather together, to honor others, and reflect on the past. So about 2 years ago, I wrote a post celebrating all I had learned in those short 6 months being married. After 1000 days, I thought I would do the same – celebrate a new milestone and share reflections about what I’ve learned since that first year of marriage, hoping it may bless your own relationship right now or in the future.

1. I didn’t marry myself. Surprise! Jeremy is totally NOT the same person as I am. We casually joked about it on our wedding programs by pointing out our hometown size differences (Jeremy’s had 85,390 and mine had 520 people), but those superficial fun facts are not the only parts of us that are on opposite ends of a spectrum. For example, being outside fills me up. My heart is happy when I’m hiking, running, or sitting on the porch with a glass of tea or wine. Jeremy on the other hand, would choose being inside over outside at all times. Guys, for real. He’s a legitimate mosquito magnet. I’ve never seen anything like it. We are on the deck for a few seconds and the guy gets 12 bites. When I realized we wouldn’t be enjoying our patio furniture nearly as much as I hoped, the world stopped spinning for a few moments. (Let’s be honest. I threw a hissy fit in my head for much longer.) But then I remembered this little trick I learned in preschool. It’s called compromise. So instead of making plans for long stents of mosquito exposure, I focus on activities he enjoys that require nature. He’s a snowboarder. I love the mountains. PERFECTO! We will do winter sports together. Learning each other and creating a life of memories has been one of the my favorite parts of this journey together.
2. Accept all forms of payment/investment. Yeah, I mean it. Love {investments} can come in the form of kisses, foot rubs, flowers after work, breakfast in bed, filling a gas tank, driving 200 miles to see your friend get married, boasting about your grilling skills to all their friends, fixing a broken garbage disposal, letting you choose the Netflix show, telling you how hot you look for the interview, listening to you vent about your day without interrupting, or sharing their last bite of ice cream. In our house, for the past few weeks, Jeremy has been tirelessly tearing down wallpaper, ripping up laminate flooring, painting, and laying tile for a complete renovation of our bathroom. I can promise you he is not doing this because the textured wallpaper drove HIM crazy. He’s doing it because it drove ME crazy. And because he loves me. So, no. We have not been going to extravagant date nights the past month because… well… the bathroom. He’s loving me through service. He’s loving me through his actions. And I am okay with that. I haven’t been perfect, but I remind myself to look around at the ways Jeremy is honoring and loving me in our daily life, not getting hung up on not having that one thing or comparing your spouse to a spouse who loves differently. Be intentional about finding the special ways your spouse loves you. If you haven’t read this book on the love languages, take the time! It is well worth it.
3. Be their biggest cheerleader. This sounds cliche, but just let me explain. You see, people are always saying this type of thing, but they leave out a few details that often become hang-ups later on. Two years ago, I encouraged Jeremy to finish a degree he started almost a decade ago. I was pulling out all the stops, affirming him in every way I knew how… and he enrolled in school. Woo! I was so excited! Then, something happened. He took this statistics class and this class ATE my husband. I was frustrated because I lost my partner to binge on forensics shows (my guilty pleasure). Not to mention, I was doing so. much. laundry… without his help. And if you ask him, he will tell you I let him know I was frustrated. More than once. Then he softly reminded me we both wanted him to be successful at the pursuit of this dream, that I was a pivotal piece of his decision to return back to school, and he couldn’t do it without my help. This required me to pick up my pompoms and support him with more than just my words. He needed my practical support doing more than usual around the house and allowing him the time/space to focus on assignments. It’s easy to simply affirm, but are we actually using actions to back up our words? Are we making ourselves uncomfortable for the good of our spouse and our family? Sometimes, that’s what it takes. And guess what? This summer, surrounded by friends and family, we celebrated the end of a chapter – Jeremy finished his degree! It was worth every extra laundry load. Now we’ve switched roles and he’s picking up my slack while I am in grad school…
4. Beat ’em at cornhole. If there were one lesson I’ve learned over these last 1000 days, it is that marriage was meant to be fun. Some of my favorite memories are of Jeremy and I randomly playing Trouble on a weeknight or competing against each other during March Madness for the best bracket. (No big deal, but I’m on a two year win streak at the moment.) Life is stressful. There are hard days, but if I’ve been blessed with a partner to walk through life, I want to enjoy it to the fullest!
5. Hard right over the easy wrong. Jeremy and I danced to “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz as our first dance. On purpose. There is always the option to give up. Or… there is never the option to give up. We chose the latter. We have decided that giving up is never an option and no matter our disagreements about if we should watch the Yankees or Nats or if date nights need to be a unique every week or if kids should use electronics before age 2. At the end of the day, we will work it out. It’s hard. Some days I don’t feel like I even have the energy to have a hard conversation. I don’t feel like making the effort. As a Second Lieutenant in the Army, my motto was “Hard right over the easy wrong.” My friends poked fun at me, but what’s right is not always easy. Choosing what’s right is not always comfortable. We won’t feel like doing it, but it is worth it.

Photo Credit: Jay Bruce @bruceinspired

{This message was approved and supported by Jeremy before posting.}