hunting the good stuff: mother’s day edition

Over the last two and a half years, as most of you know, I entered the chapter of my life I endearingly call “instamommyhood.” When Jeremy chose me to be his bride in 2015, he not only chose me to be his wife, but also the stepmother to his children. I do not take that responsibility lightly and am astonished that he saw the gift of motherhood inside of me long before I felt it and has called it out and cultivated it from the very beginning.

From first meeting Jeremiah and Lilly to getting to know them on a personal level, I expected the easy stuff: Jeremiah’s favorite NFL quarterbacks and memorizing all the words to the newest princess movies. However, I was in no way prepared for the marathon course I would be taking where the contents of the syllabus were never fully outlined and they happened to be slightly more significant than Tony Romo and Moana.

I believe in “hunting the good stuff.” I first heard this quote in the Army doing some training in resiliency, but I do not believe it is reserved only for Army use. It is very simply a compact reminder to practice gratitude and be intentional to look for the positives, to see the blessings in our lives. This thing called life is not always easy. If yours is, please comment below with your secret! During this journey of stepmotherhood, life has asked me some hard questions. God has given me opportunity after opportunity to choose Him, to choose His way, and to honor Him along the journey.

Today, on Mother’s Day, I am eternally grateful for Jeremy’s choice to make me a stepmother and the two cuties who have taught me more about the depths of my character than any other season in my life. I’ve decided to share my top four truly significant life lessons I’ve learned these last two years.

1. The “world” does not get to decide what my life looks like. I have seen more photo stories of blended families on social media than I care to admit. The choice to cast the stepmom as the antagonist is just too easy. The world may continue using the adjective “evil” closer to the word “stepmother” than I would like. Let’s be real. The moving pieces of our family dynamic are not always hunky dory. But guess what? Pressure is off for me. I do not control any of those pieces of our pop culture or the people within our specific situation. However, every day I have choices. How will I conduct myself? How will I respond to others? How will I invest in the relationships around me? I hold all the control because I decide how I respond to what the “world” says about blended families. Every day, I am reminded that God has placed me specifically in this place for this time. I have been given the distinct honor of showcasing His love in a unique way within our blended family. What does the world say about you? And what do you say back?
2. My title does not determine my influence. We each play so many roles throughout the day. Daughters, sons, chauffeur, moms, dads, friends, nurses, teachers, co-workers, comforters, spouses, counselors… As I transition from spouse to nurse to stepmom to daughter throughout the day, I always have a choice. I can fully engage with Jeremy before he leaves for work or be completely distracted by the day’s to-do list. (*My title still remains. I am a wife.) I can listen intently to my chronically ill patient’s wife as she describes her struggle watching her 40 year old husband die before her eyes or I can simply hand her the long list of appointments I’ve set up and send her on her way. (*My title still remains. I am a nurse.) I can come home and chase Lilly around the house for the 4,763th time or I can lay on the couch to watch home improvement shows and listen to her calling me in the background, pretending not to hear. (*My title still remains. I am a stepmom.) Regardless of what your earthly name is, whether it be barista or CEO or sanitation engineer or program manager, your influence is not defined by those WORDS. There is not a predefined boundary around the impact you will have based on the title the world has given to you. The titles will come and go, but the calling on the inside of you will not. The legacy you are making and leaving for others is forever, regardless of what other people may call you.
3. Losing my vision is not an option. I am “that” girl who likes to make lists at the beginning of each year. I like goals – professional goals, travel/entertainment goals, all types of goals. I like to have a vision for the upcoming 365 days. Similarly, when Jeremy and I got married, we each got a vision for what God wanted for our marriage. There are so many times I get caught up in the moment and overwhelmed by the “now.” I lose sight of the promises for our family because I look around too much instead gazing ahead. Did you know you can live in the moment while simultaneously keeping our eyes on the vision God has for our lives? All I’m saying is: Keep going. KEEP GOING in whatever challenge you’re facing. I tell those closest to me that life is really like hiking up a mountain for me. I absolutely want the breathtaking view from the top, but you might hear me say I’m hungry or I have a blister on my left toe or I wish I had brought more water. However, that does not mean I am giving up or wishing I never started walking. It just means I need a granola bar, a water bottle, and some ibuprofen until we reach where we are headed. I ain’t quitting until we get {there}. And when we do, there WILL be a party…or at least a lot of food. 🙂
4. Love is a choice. Let me leave you with this. This has been the most profound, but simple lesson I have learned from Jeremiah and Lilly. The pressure is really off for a stepmom. I feel like the world has defined some (often unfair and sometimes ridiculous) expectations for mothers and fathers. “Children should only have 1.25654 minutes of screen time per day. If children do not eat broccoli by age 3, they will never grow to be 4 feet tall. Seven year olds need approximately 4.5 hugs per day or they may grow up to feel unloved.” Forgive me. I’m exaggerating for the sake of making my point. (*I am in NO way minimizing the importance of books, vegetables, or physical touch. Promise.)  I’m simply saying I get to make this stepmom season my own. I get to define my “stepmommyhood.” I get to be a pioneer of sorts. No family is exactly like our family so that means I get to walk out the choice of love in front of two impressionable children. I can be as present and available and consistent as I desire. And those choices – to be present, to be available, and to be consistent — I pray they will communicate my love and be sown deeply into two children who, one day, will get the same choice in their own lives.

Happy Mother’s Day! I pray you’ve also been able to reflect on the blessings your biological or spiritual or adopted children have brought to your life. Regardless of how they arrived, you are connected for a purpose much greater.