The Greatest Gift My Father Gave Me
I always get nostalgic around Father’s Day, going through a mental photo album of the special times with my dad. Summer vacations to the beach, teaching me to ride a bike or make a snowman, going to see the Orioles play at Camden Yards, pitching softballs to me in the batting cages until it was too dark to see, eating cereal together before school… If someone asked me to pick my favorite memory, I’m not sure I could. Until this year. Something changed and I realized my absolute favorite memory of my dad is not one moment in time, but that I have a HISTORY of moments with him. Let me explain.
You see, the greatest gift my father ever gave to me was faithfulness. From the time he said “I do” up until this very day, he has done everything in his power to support my brother, my mom, and I. He knew that when he said “yes” in marriage, he was saying “yes” to whatever God’s hand held for our family moving forward. So what did that mean for him specifically? Well, from what I hear, it meant going to get Beanie Weanies after 10pm to feed pregnancy cravings (geez, Mom…making some healthy choices back in the day!), working more than one job for longer than I can remember to provide for us, staying up late to throw batting practice for my brother and I and then waking up early to start his day before the house was awake, switching careers to make himself more available to take us to church, motivating me to conquer my fear of heights by sliding down (WITH ME) on the biggest water slide I’ve ever seen to this day, and telling me “no” a number of times during my teenage years to my extreme disdain.
But the one fact remains. From infancy to now adulthood, there has never been a time when I didn’t feel his love or know he was there to catch me if I were falling. Let me not give you the wrong idea. We had some …we’ll say HEATED discussions (he always won) and very difficult phases of life mostly because of my poor choices, but he loved me through it all. He has believed in me since the beginning and he’s still believing in me today.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Who really cares about faithfulness?” I will tell you I certainly do and here’s why:
If not for the way my father modeled what it looks like to love my mother well, to prioritize our needs and interests, to not pick and choose when to be part of our family, and to invest in my brother and I, my idea of a real man would be incredibly… jacked up. And I would take that idea of a “man” around with me, using it to measure all other men. Then, I’d probably select a husband based on that “man.”
Instead, I have this imperfect, but incredibly faithful father figure to help me see the qualities of a healthy man. This year, I was able to see that even more clearly when I married my husband Jeremy. For some reason, other men in my life never made the cut, but Jeremy did. People talk about an “it” factor or just knowing a man is “the one.” I believe my husband is most certainly “the one” and he has lots of “it” factors, but most of all, he loves me well, prioritizes our needs and interests, is present as part of our family, invests in our children… all of which sound a lot like my father…
Dad, THANK YOU. Thank you for being faithful. And present. And modeling what it looks like to lead a family so now, as Jeremy and I embark on our own journey together, we have your example to carry with us. The foundation you have laid will continue to hold us on this adventure of love. All my love now and forever.
3 Reasons Why Great Girlfriends Aren’t Optional
Have you ever had those moments (or even seasons) of life where you feel like nothing is stable and you can’t quite see straight to move forward? It’s kind of like being in an earthquake and a summer thunderstorm all at the same time. The ground is shaky and when you look out in front of you, everything is blurry. Next steps are scary. Yeah, well that’s sort of been the last two months for me. It made me start thinking about what brings me back to solid ground and helps me see clearly to move forward in faith.
Note: If you don’t know already, I’m a newlywed. Yup, got married January 18th and we’re coming up on our five month anniversary. We are basically marriage experts at this stage. Ha! We are far from experts, but we’re having a blast learning a LOT! One quick tidbit I picked up was that although my husband Jeremy is obviously the greatest man to walk the planet (I may be biased) and my very best friend, there are meant to be special ladies in my life and men in his life to walk beside us and support us. Bottom line: If you’re married, you’re not exempt. A depth and richness to the daily comings and goings are fostered by sharing our experiences and challenges with our closest girlfriends. In fact, I would arguably say healthy relationships with our girlfriends enrich our marriages.
Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, a novelist and poet, once described friendship:
“But oh! The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
So why are girlfriends not optional?
1) Safety/Support – Two weeks ago, I was feeling the struggle of what I call becoming #instamom. What is that you may ask? *Instamom: Any woman who has never had their own children and marries a man with some of his own from previous relationships who become part of their little family instantaneously. Don’t get me wrong. There are countless blessings I plan to tell you about blended families, but suffice it to say – it is also a transition just like anything else. Thankfully, my time as an RN has granted me experience in the area of children. However, it doesn’t teach you how to navigate all the needs of a child in the midst of their own transition. (Don’t worry. More on life a a stepmom later.) Needless to say, I was exhausted. One of my closest friends texted to check in. I explained my situation. Within MINUTES, she had requested and received permission to take a half-day off to spend with me to help, not because I asked, but because she could hear what wasn’t being verbally communicated: I needed her support. I needed to feel the safety of her friendship. Do you have women in your life who will do whatever it takes to lift you up when you’re feeling tired, beat down, frustrated, or confused? Do you extend the same faithfulness to the special ladies in your own life?
2) Encouragement – For years, I’ve talked about writing more. I finally let the cat out of the bag and told my closest girlfriends about feeling like I should begin investing time in a blog. These same ladies have not only sent me texts and emails to ask how it’s going, they have contributed to the blog through their own gifts to ensure they know they are fully behind me. Do you have women in who push you to go further? To follow the dreams in your heart? To encourage you to look past the struggle of today and fulfill your purpose of tomorrow?
3) Accountability – What difference does it make if you have a goal or dream if no one knows about it? Have you ever told your girlfriends (or anyone for that matter) what you feel your purpose is in life? One of the most challenging aspects of friendship is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic with the people closest to you. Without your transparency, there remains an invisible wall between you and other people. Tear down the wall. Share your passions with people. Timothy Keller says, “Friendship is only possible when there is a common vision and passion.” Do you have ladies (or again, anyone) you allow into the deeper parts of your heart? Does someone hold you responsible to your promises, words, and actions? Do you push others to be true to own their goals?
Don’t wait! Let those invisible walls down, share your heart in a real way, and invest in those ladies around you. Don’t know how to do that? Stay tuned! And if you’re ever in the Northern Virginia area, check out DC Sisterhood, a great way to get connected to other amazing women.
P.S. You also need them for comic relief (and to photobomb your wedding photos) obviously!
3 Essentials For My Spring Saturday Mornings
Who doesn’t enjoy a good Saturday morning? I know I do. Here are a few of my essentials:
1) Sleeping in(ish). There is something refreshing about not setting an alarm on Friday night. Even if my alarm just so happens to be a chatter-ey toddler or pitter patter of tiny feet in the halls, the freedom to awaken naturally without my iPhone “playtime” tone is refreshing.
*Did I mention no one warned me (and I wasn’t intuitive enough to realize then) that anyone without children should take full advantage of sleeping in? If not, let me be the first to casually acknowledge the blessing of seeing any number after 7:30am on my phone on non-alarm days.
2) Lazy breakfast. Although bowls of cereal or throwing bread in the toaster are easier options, the taste of a Belgian waffle and fresh strawberries from the local Farmer’s Market bring a big smile to my face. Have you ever noticed how therapeutic it is to connect with your spouse/family/friends over a leisurely breakfast or brunch? There’s something about eggs and that extra cup of coffee that create space for deeper conversation. Hash Brown Casserole is a crowd pleaser at our house! And it can be made gluten free by simply substituting Gluten Free Bisquick!
No judgement if you’d rather have someone else make breakfast. First Watch and Ted’s Bulletin get my full approval!
3) Farmer’s Markets. Sign me up for supporting the locals as well as eating fresh for days! Our personal favorite is right outside our front door, Burke Farmers Market. You can also find a full listing of he Farmers Markets in Northern Virginia here.
What are some of your essentials for Saturday mornings?
Honoring: Marine Sgt. Kevin B. Balduf
In my first blog post ever, I promised to share the article that inspired “Eyes To See.” It just so happens the article came from events that transpired while I was deployed as an Army Nurse Corps Officer at Camp Dwyer, Afghanistan. During one of my last days in country, we had a mass casualty event leading to the injury and death of a number of Marines. My role in the ER that day left me with so many questions to process once I returned back stateside to my friends and family. In the piece below, I share some of my thoughts and the gift of peace that God brought in an unusual and supernatural way.
Marine Sgt. Kevin B. Balduf may never know the full impact he has had on my life, but I hope that through sharing his story and those of many others, we can continue to honor him, his family, and their sacrifice for our country. After my initial article was public, I had an outpouring of responses and felt affirmed and encouraged to do more writing. I am eternally grateful for the perspective shift this one man had on my life on May 12, 2011. Check it out below.
I am a registered nurse. During my time in Afghanistan, I worked in a CSH or combat support hospital in an austere part of the country, working with some of the most incredible Marines I have ever met. As you can imagine, most of the Marines I encountered weren’t there to chit chat — they were there to be mended and sent back to the fight. One May evening in 2011, the radios were hot with information that we would be receiving six injured Marines. As we unloaded these men from the helicopter, the first guy was my patient. Quickly, as we ushered this young man off the helipad, we learned our only job would be to pronounce his time of death. Parts of him, to include his face, were already covered up. Unfortunately, today would be a day when we wouldn’t be able to save them all. A medic and I emptied his pockets of all his belongings to place them in a bag that would later be sent to his family. I remember taking a journal out of his side arm pocket, with a picture of two little girls in it. And that’s when it hit me the hardest. These guys were risking their lives for our country every day, never knowing if they would see their own families again, willing to give it all for people they didn’t even know. This nameless, faceless guy gave his life for me to live in freedom.
As I, several years later, continued to reflect on this particular night I felt drawn to know the name of this specific Marine. Part of what made the whole experience easier was not ever having to see his face or know his name. I was reluctant at first, but I went online to find out who had been killed in action on May 12, 2011. I found his name, Sgt. Kevin Balduf. As I read more, I realized he was buried in Arlington National Cemetery, just two minutes from where I lived. It was around March when I found this out. Weeks went by and there was restlessness that I couldn’t shake. The only thought that gave me peace was to visit Kevin.
On May 12, 2014, the three year anniversary of SGT Kevin Balduf’s death, I asked three friends to accompany me to Arlington National Cemetery. I walked through the thousands of white headstones in Arlington, I thought about how I never even knew this guy. I never saw his face. I shouldn’t need to visit his grave for peace. As we approached his headstone, I knelt and wept. There was a picture of him and an empty plate of what looked like chocolate cake. Someone had recently been there. Every part of me that tried to push away the reality of this guy Kevin for the last three years broke down. Kevin was real. Then, it happened. I heard a woman say, “Excuse me. Did you know Kevin?” I was shocked. Who was this? A million answers to her question went through my mind, but I settled with, “I was his nurse in Afghanistan.” She quietly responded with, “I’m Kevin’s mom…and this is Kevin’s twin brother, Kyle.”
For three years, I tried to suppress the memory of Kevin’s death. I chose to make Kevin nameless and faceless. Within a few moments, he had a name and I could see his face through his twin brother. We all took a moment to collect ourselves and then Kevin’s mom asked, “I do have one question. I never received a bag of his belongings. We always wondered what he kept in his pockets and if he had a photo of his little girls.” This woman asked the ONE and only question I would be able to answer for her. Through tears, I responded, “Yes ma’am. He kept a photo of his girls in his side arm pocket.”
As we walked away that day, for the first time in years, I felt peace about the death of that once nameless, faceless Marine. Kevin risked it all, gave it all, sacrificed it all, and took it all for Americans to live in freedom.
As we approach Memorial Day this year, I would challenge you to take a moment to remember not just Sgt. Kevin Balduf, but also the MANY Americans who have paid the ultimate price for us to live. In an area like DC where we have countless military, veterans, and their families, we have the privilege to honor their daily obedience and sacrifice.
And lastly, if you hear a little whisper or feel a little stirring in your heart…you never know what is on the other side of one step.
Thank you Kevin. If you knew Sgt. Balduf or would like to add more about his character or life, please allow this to be a place to honor him by replying below.
Why Blogging?
I know I’ve asked the question many times. As I scroll through my Facebook Newsfeed or get e-mailed links from friends, I always find myself wondering, “What on earth inspired this person to invest time writing about their life in a blog?” And I’m sure you might have that same question for me.
I’m so glad you asked. Let me see if I can help.
1) I have documented my life “accidentally” over the last eight years through these things I called “update e-mails” from wherever I happened to be in the world. Apparently they were quite amusing to my immediate family who began sharing them with extended family. I included a few friends who then included a few more friends. You get the idea. Eventually, these “update emails” were reaching well over 100 inboxes each time I hit “send.” Keeping track of all these folks became a chore.
2) Multiple people from both my personal and professional spheres of influence have asked if I have a book out or plan to write one. This is seemingly a bit presumptuous on their part since I’ve stuck to writing short pieces for the entirety of my writing “career.” However, it got me thinking. These people really want some substance. They want to see more and to be quite frank, I love writing so why not invest time into an activity I thoroughly enjoy and bless others in the meantime?
3) God explained that this blog wouldn’t be about me, but about HIM. Now, I’m sure this may have at least a few folks confused. If you know me, you know I don’t necessarily like the spotlight. I love being behind the scenes, doing the stuff people forget about or have no idea even must be done to get a final product. Blogging to me somehow sounded like I was forcefully pushing the importance of my life or my agenda on the hearts of my readers. I’m sure in some situations, this is most certainly the case, but that’s not the goal for me…which leads to my fourth and final reason for blogging:
4) Honoring the many people in my life who have changed it forever or who’s story is one that needs to be publicly shared for the benefit of many. As most of you know, I served overseas as a nurse at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center as well as in an austere part of Afghanistan during the height of Operation Enduring Freedom. The people who have fought and continue to fight for our freedom each and every day deserve well more than a blog post, but if that’s what it takes to provide even a glimpse of bigger perspective, then I’ll continue to write.
I look forward to continuing this blogging journey with you and getting to share some extraordinary stories of heroism and sacrifice, perseverance and strength, as well as some perspective I’ve gained over time.
Be on the lookout for my next post where I share the article that inspired “Eyes To See!”